03 Feb FEAR
It has been a while since I have written to you guys. Not that I haven’t been writing, but I usually give up half way through with a “Why bother?”. Truth is, I haven’t felt very inspired, inspiring or useful over the last year. I have had some very dark periods of self-doubt where I don’t understand my purpose or where I fit into this big picture of the World.
Presently, I am in Las Vegas, writing a book. My friend here is new to me in this lifetime but has been walking with me for many. She and I are pushing each other along right now, supporting each other on our individual journeys. It is a bit of a shit show right now, if I’m completely honest, and today was one of those days where I’m just not sure why I am who I am, doing what I’m doing. On our way to a yoga class today she was trying to coach me on marketing myself. I had very little interest, in fact, I felt absolutely uninterested. I looked at her and said, “I have been doing this work on some level for 15 years. I’m tired of trying to get people to help themselves.” It’s true, and as the day went on, as she was listing off the things on her schedule for later this week, I looked at her and said, “Hey, make sure you are scheduling you time into the day. I don’t hear any time set aside to eat, or breathe, or shit.” She looked at me and just lost it on me. So angry at me for pointing out there was no time for HER in her day. We had a really good laugh at the irony that this comment, the take care of you one, of all ones I had made in the last 3 weeks, was the one that put her over the edge. Later, I took a moment for myself to reflect on our conversation in the car and everything I have been feeling the last few months finally came into focus.
People don’t want to live better lives.
People want to talk about leading better, happier, more balanced lives. They want to talk about having stronger relationships with better communication. They want to talk about eating better and being better to their loved ones and strengthening their bodies.
But they don’t want to actually do it.
Because changing your life is hard. Because changing your life is scary. Changing your life requires you to stop all the bullshitting you are doing with yourself and everyone else in your life, to man up and take some fucking responsibility for yourself. And that’s fucking hard. It’s so much easier to stay out of balance. It’s so much easier to eat shit and put the gym off. It’s so much easier to hide behind your stories of why you can’t as opposed to opening to how you can. Over and over this week I have heard from so many people, myself included, about all the ways and things that are just either not possible or too difficult.
And it’s all bullshit.
All the, I don’t have time, I’m too busy, it’s too far, I don’t have the money, ALL OF IT. It’s all bullshit. You didn’t make the time. You wasted the time you had, facebooking. It’s really just 20 minutes out of the time you would be wasting to list all the reasons you can’t. You spent the money you could have used on it, on something you didn’t need and probably didn’t even really want.
I can’t tell you how many clients walk in and when I ask them why they are here they reply, “you tell me”. I’m a Psychic, not a miracle worker. I am in the business of changing people’s lives and I’m tired of the bullshit. I’m tired of being told, yes I want to change my life and then watching as they tell themselves no. I’m tired of the excuses, I’m tired of the lies and I’m really tired of people giving themselves far less credit than they deserve.
And for what? Because you are scared? I’m sorry, that is not a good enough excuse. How long are you going to stay at that job that is sucking your soul, or the relationship that you don’t want to be in? How long are you not going to pick up the phone to tell someone you are sorry or that you love them? A year? Ten years? Remember being a kid, when you were scared to do something, like jump in the pond, remember that feeling in your stomach? Now remember the feeling you had right after you did it. Fear is fleeting. It only hangs onto you if you let it limit your reality. Once you take that leap, you are free.
Anything isn’t possible.
EVERYTHING is possible.
You dictate your reality. YOU. When you say it isn’t possible, you are absolutely correct. But it isn’t possible because it isn’t possible. It isn’t possible because you just created that reality. You just mind fucked yourself.
I’m looking for people who want to do the work and change their lives. I am looking for people who are ready to strip naked and get to know their darkest parts. You want to change the world? Great! Start by looking in the mirror. That’s how you change the world. If this is you, great, call me. If not, that’s fine too, just be sure you don’t hang your limiting beliefs on those who are trying to get something done.